bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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