people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
