Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
