Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
