you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
