Just fell off a train. Bad.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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