I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
