we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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