Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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