i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
