I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Never let your siblings swipe right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize