She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
