Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
