when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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