i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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