i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So many bounce houses so little time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
