Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize