Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
