dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
