gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
