I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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