Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
