two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
