i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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