You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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