You smell like stripper and shame
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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