the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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