Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
