I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
