I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's blow job season.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
