I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
