So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
