Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
