Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
