Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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