Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
