my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
