just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
