are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
