There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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