the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
