Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
