I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
