She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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