I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
