they need to just BURY HIM!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
