last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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