imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
