ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
