i already hear my dad disowning me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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