bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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