can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
