Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
