I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize