That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
