wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
