i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
