I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
