Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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