Come see our sink grown plant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
