he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize