now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
