Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
