I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
