If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
