I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
