Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
