Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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