I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
