"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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