now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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