ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
