know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
