im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
third nipple confirmed
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
