You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
