hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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