I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
