The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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