Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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