I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
