The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
