I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
