sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Text me some of your sweat
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
