i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sober January is a disaster.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize