I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
