She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
