Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
