so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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