The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
