Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
