do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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