I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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