I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
