I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
