Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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