Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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